Wow what a busy week we have had so far!. Been having a lovely half term with Christopher
Monday we went to Portsmouth for the day with my neighbour and her little boy who is the same age as Chris. When we got there I couldn't believe the queues to get into the dockyard but soon got through. Chris and his mate loved running around HMS Warrior and HMS Victory. They also liked the audio commentary about the Mary Rose as they have recently been studying the Tudors at school. They finished up the day by going up a climbing wall. I was very tired when I got home. Chloe had been clipped whilst I was out and the lady had accidently clipped her ear so there was blood everywhere in the kitchen. Managed to get hold of her and pop a bandage round her head -she looks a bit mummified -perfect for halloween (although she doesn't think so).Watched some zombie big brother drama on the telly with Gordon and scared myself silly -I am a real wimp when it comes to tv!
Tuesday Chris went off to the zoo for the day with his nanny. He was so excited!!. I ran around getting some more christmas presents and got some rugs to cover up the iron mark (so cross!!!) Finished off by decorating the house for the halloween party
Wednesday we had an all day halloween party.Great excitement waking up and seeing the snow!! Christopher and my neighbours son Phillip invited 4 of theirfriends over from 10-4. We started off with carving pumpkins which the kids loved. We then moved on to craft making and they made dangling spiders, fridge magnets and halloween decorations. Then we went over to my neighbours house where we had laid a scavenger hunt in the garden. We had printed rhyming clues for the kids to solve and find 8 different things. Then we had lunch -pizza and hotdogs yum!!. Felt more fresh air was needed so took them first to one park so they could go on the scateboard and bmx rank and then over to another proper play park. They all had scooters so they enjoyed racing each other. Then back to the house for messy games. We did apple bobbing, doughnuts on a string, chocolate in flour and bugs and eyeballs in jelly. Gross but the kids loved it. We finished the party with a halloween film.(this also meant me and my neighbour could sit down and have a much needed cuppa!!) Kids really enjoyed themselves and I was so glad that Christopher was able to have something ''special'' -I think they will be talking about this party for quite some time!
Today I took Chris to yoga. I was really nervous about taking him but he was excellently behaved and did really well trying out all the exercises. Then lunch at Burger King as a reward and then we met up with friends to go to the cinema
When we got home we sorted out our halloween costumes for tomorrow nights spooky walk!
Have really enjoyed spending time with Christopher this week -he is growing up so fast which makes the time we have together so precious. He has been really good this week as well and we have had lots of hugs and quality time spent together
Thursday 30 October 2008
Sunday 26 October 2008
Weekend
Not much to report -its been a quiet weekend catching up with chores. Yesterday I caught up with housework and cooked a lovely stuffed loin of pork with roast potatoes, parsnips, mashed swede and brussels. Yum! Served with my homemade apple mint jelly. We also went on a 2 hour walk around our village -poor Chloe(the dog) could hardly walk at the end of it. She's 16 years old and very arthritic
Gordon and Chris stayed up watching a film but I was tired so went to bed
Today we were supposed to go to Beaulieu with my family but weather was awful so we cancelled. Shame as I was looking forward to it. Had a lovely lay in and then we went out to do some more Christmas shopping.
In the afternoon Gordon and Christopher carved pumpkins whilst I did some ironing. So cross th0ugh -was obviously getting tired but silly me totally ignored the signs and I knocked the iron onto the carpet. So now we have a lovely iron mark on our loung carpet. Gordons had a go at trying to strim it but its still there. I am soooo cross
Had a curry fest for dinner -delicious!, Korma, Bhuna and masala with rice, naan, bhajis and pakoras. Washed down with lots of cobra!
Hope the weather is better tomorrow -need to get out with Christopher so he can burn off some of his excess energy!.
Now Back to scrubbing the carpet!
Gordon and Chris stayed up watching a film but I was tired so went to bed
Today we were supposed to go to Beaulieu with my family but weather was awful so we cancelled. Shame as I was looking forward to it. Had a lovely lay in and then we went out to do some more Christmas shopping.
In the afternoon Gordon and Christopher carved pumpkins whilst I did some ironing. So cross th0ugh -was obviously getting tired but silly me totally ignored the signs and I knocked the iron onto the carpet. So now we have a lovely iron mark on our loung carpet. Gordons had a go at trying to strim it but its still there. I am soooo cross
Had a curry fest for dinner -delicious!, Korma, Bhuna and masala with rice, naan, bhajis and pakoras. Washed down with lots of cobra!
Hope the weather is better tomorrow -need to get out with Christopher so he can burn off some of his excess energy!.
Now Back to scrubbing the carpet!
Friday 24 October 2008
All about Nodes
Been doing some research on nodes since my scan. Information for me throughout this journey has always been important - anything i am worried about or want to find out about -simple -I google it. So pay attention!!
According to Wikipedia :Lymph nodes are found throughout the body, and act as filters or traps for foreign particles and contain white blood cells. Thus they are important in the proper functioning of the immune system.
Lymph nodes also have clinical significance. They become inflamed or enlarged in various conditions, which may range from the trivial, such as a throat infection, to life-threatening conditions such as cancers
Still listening??. Now about size
Human lymph nodes are bean-shaped and range in size from a few millimeters to about 1-2 cm in their normal state.[1] They may become enlarged due to a tumor or infection. White blood cells are located within honeycomb structures of the lymph nodes. Lymph nodes are enlarged when the body is infected due to enhanced production of some cells and division of activated T and B cells. In some cases they may feel enlarged due to past infections; although one may be healthy, one may still feel them residually enlarged
Range in size from a few Millimeters!!! -So could my 5mm be nothing?. I am realistic to accept that this might not be the case but as always information for me is a comforting thing. And as people say thinking positive always helps!
Christopher broke up for half term today. Really looking forward to spending the next week doing lots of fun things. We have a couple of days out planned and a cinema trip. I am also hosting an all day halloween party for him and 5 of his friends. We will be pumpkin carving, making lots of crafts and having a scavenger hunt. Then on the actual day itself we will be doing a sponsored walk for St Michaels hospice. As its the place that I have chosen to be at the end of things, its in my best interest to raise as much money for it as possible.
Keeping busy helps -the Doctor at the hospice has encouraged me to look for new hobbies and things to do to fill my days. After all I can't go shopping every day!. I have yoga and amateur dramatics which I enjoy but need things to keep me off my feet. All suggestions welcome!
According to Wikipedia :Lymph nodes are found throughout the body, and act as filters or traps for foreign particles and contain white blood cells. Thus they are important in the proper functioning of the immune system.
Lymph nodes also have clinical significance. They become inflamed or enlarged in various conditions, which may range from the trivial, such as a throat infection, to life-threatening conditions such as cancers
Still listening??. Now about size
Human lymph nodes are bean-shaped and range in size from a few millimeters to about 1-2 cm in their normal state.[1] They may become enlarged due to a tumor or infection. White blood cells are located within honeycomb structures of the lymph nodes. Lymph nodes are enlarged when the body is infected due to enhanced production of some cells and division of activated T and B cells. In some cases they may feel enlarged due to past infections; although one may be healthy, one may still feel them residually enlarged
Range in size from a few Millimeters!!! -So could my 5mm be nothing?. I am realistic to accept that this might not be the case but as always information for me is a comforting thing. And as people say thinking positive always helps!
Christopher broke up for half term today. Really looking forward to spending the next week doing lots of fun things. We have a couple of days out planned and a cinema trip. I am also hosting an all day halloween party for him and 5 of his friends. We will be pumpkin carving, making lots of crafts and having a scavenger hunt. Then on the actual day itself we will be doing a sponsored walk for St Michaels hospice. As its the place that I have chosen to be at the end of things, its in my best interest to raise as much money for it as possible.
Keeping busy helps -the Doctor at the hospice has encouraged me to look for new hobbies and things to do to fill my days. After all I can't go shopping every day!. I have yoga and amateur dramatics which I enjoy but need things to keep me off my feet. All suggestions welcome!
Tuesday 21 October 2008
How do people cope?
How do people cope when they are given the news that cancer has spread? that the treatment isn't working? Is it possible to carry on? to cope? to be the same person you were before cancer?
Once again another bad day. I woke up with a dreadful headache. Was violently sick so am ashamed to say I pushed Chris out of the front door and told him to go to my neighbours and ask to be taken to school. I climbed back into bed and slept till gone 12.Gordon came home early -his work are being good to him at the moment. He collected Chris from school for me. Headache has lasted all day and have also had several crying sessions.
On a positive note we went to the school today for Christophers parents evening. All his teachers have said how well he is doing despite how bad home life is at the moment. His reading age is well above his normal age and he is doing well in all his other subjects. Am very proud of him for doing so well when home is so unsettled -I guess I should follow his example
Once again another bad day. I woke up with a dreadful headache. Was violently sick so am ashamed to say I pushed Chris out of the front door and told him to go to my neighbours and ask to be taken to school. I climbed back into bed and slept till gone 12.Gordon came home early -his work are being good to him at the moment. He collected Chris from school for me. Headache has lasted all day and have also had several crying sessions.
On a positive note we went to the school today for Christophers parents evening. All his teachers have said how well he is doing despite how bad home life is at the moment. His reading age is well above his normal age and he is doing well in all his other subjects. Am very proud of him for doing so well when home is so unsettled -I guess I should follow his example
Sunday 19 October 2008
Ambers Birthday
Just wanted to say again how much the comments that you are all leaving mean to me. I feel so honoured to have so much support from family and friends. Please keep them coming as they really help especially on my grey days
Today was my neice Ambers birthday party. My sister and brother in law put on a wonderful party -they hired a hall and all the kids came in fancy dress. It was great. Angelas brother in law is a magician so there was a magic show. I was really nervous about facing people but put my chin up, smiled and found that it was ok.
After the party the whole family went out for dinner. I had taken some really strong painkillers on an empty stomach so was feeling very queasy. Fortunately we were served quickly.
Its been a wonderful day. The lack of sleep though is really getting to me as I am totally exhausted. I had successfully weaned myself off my sleeping pills before this week but have needed to start taking them again otherwise my nights are just sheer hell.
Today was my neice Ambers birthday party. My sister and brother in law put on a wonderful party -they hired a hall and all the kids came in fancy dress. It was great. Angelas brother in law is a magician so there was a magic show. I was really nervous about facing people but put my chin up, smiled and found that it was ok.
After the party the whole family went out for dinner. I had taken some really strong painkillers on an empty stomach so was feeling very queasy. Fortunately we were served quickly.
Its been a wonderful day. The lack of sleep though is really getting to me as I am totally exhausted. I had successfully weaned myself off my sleeping pills before this week but have needed to start taking them again otherwise my nights are just sheer hell.
Saturday 18 October 2008
Thankyou
I just want to say a HUGE thankyou to all the messages of support from everyone. Gordon and I sat this morning reading them all. They really mean a lot to us and we are so grateful for all the good wishes thoughts and prayers. Its keeping us going during this awful waiting time
SO a big thankyou to:
Everyone who posts and reads my blog
Delia online pals
Facebook
BCPals
Breast Cancer care
My emails
Love Julie Gordon and Christopher
SO a big thankyou to:
Everyone who posts and reads my blog
Delia online pals
BCPals
Breast Cancer care
My emails
Love Julie Gordon and Christopher
Trying to carry on
Still trying to pull myself together after last Thursdays bombshell. Friday was another bad day -just couldn't stop crying. I didnt sleep much Thursday night so felt awful all day. Was supposed to be going out Friday evening but couldn't face anyone. I alternate between sobbing and shedding silent tears. I am so frightened at what this might mean to me and my family. It's not fair -I keep thinking Why me? I don't want to die-I don't want to leave my family. I spoke to Christophers teacher so she was aware but again ended up breaking down. Once Chris got back from cubs last night we all snuggled down in our bed -I seem to want to keep as close as possible to Gordon and Chris and spend as much time as possible with them. I told Chris what had happened at the hospital -I can't pretend in front of him. He was very brave and good -his main worry was whether I would be able to let him have a halloween party!
Today we went out for the day as couldn't bare staying in and brooding. We went to Beaulieu which was wonderful -great memories of going there when I was a child. We then went into Lyndhurst for dinner. It was a lovely day
I will be going to bed early as tomorrow its my niece Ambers 3rd Birthday party. Am really looking forward to it but it will be hard facing people
Today we went out for the day as couldn't bare staying in and brooding. We went to Beaulieu which was wonderful -great memories of going there when I was a child. We then went into Lyndhurst for dinner. It was a lovely day
I will be going to bed early as tomorrow its my niece Ambers 3rd Birthday party. Am really looking forward to it but it will be hard facing people
Thursday 16 October 2008
I'm very very scared
As I am typing this I can't stop crying. I am really scared. Went to the hospital today for results of CT scan. There are two oncologists at our hospital. One just monitors you and the other ALWAYS gives bad news. I knew things would be bad when the bad news onc walked in the room.
On the scan it is showing that i have a 5mm nodule on my chest wall. So it looks like its spread again. She did try and reassure me that ct scans pick up everything and that it could well be nothing.But of course i am now thinking the worse. They can't repeat scans too close together as you can't pick up on any changes. So next step is to repeat the CT scan to see if its still there. Thats going to be in January. So two months of sheer hell to get through
Very scared and VERY VERY Frightened -My heart is telling me its nothing but my head is telling me that its spread. I don't know what to do at the moment
On the scan it is showing that i have a 5mm nodule on my chest wall. So it looks like its spread again. She did try and reassure me that ct scans pick up everything and that it could well be nothing.But of course i am now thinking the worse. They can't repeat scans too close together as you can't pick up on any changes. So next step is to repeat the CT scan to see if its still there. Thats going to be in January. So two months of sheer hell to get through
Very scared and VERY VERY Frightened -My heart is telling me its nothing but my head is telling me that its spread. I don't know what to do at the moment
Saturday 11 October 2008
update
I haven't posted for a while as I have been busy so need to get up to date!
Had a great girlie weekend in Spain -lots of sun, sea and sangria. The best day was when we went to the beach -a whole day on a lounger -bliss. No cooking -we ate out every night. Its definately something that we will do again!. There a couple of rather unflattering pictures of me in a swim suit -i'm not posting these here!!
Been a quiet time since we got back. Been feeling under the weather -very cold and shivery
Started my christmas shopping have got some presents so pleased about that. Been busy filling up my store cupboard: Made picallili, sour pickles, carrot chutney, tomato chutney, courgette chutney, pickled onions, pickled cabbage, blackberry jam, marrow jam, rhubarb jam, strawberry jam, plum and nectarine jam, apple and blackberry jam, 3 fruit marmalade and grapefuit and cranberry marmalade. Yummy! some will be presents for family, rest for us to eat.
We also made our christmas cake i read the recipe and Gordon and Christopher mixed!. A true family affair! xmas puddings next!!
Started a new project in the house. We are sorting out the dumping ground that is our study. We are clearing it out, getting rid of 2 out of 4 of the desks (if anyone wants some computer desks let me know!!). Then we are going to put in a sofa and a tv and make it our tv room.
The next project after that will be our lounge. I want to paint the fireplace wall purple but need to convince Gordon!!
Spent a wonderful day shopping with my sister Angela and my neice Amber. Can't wait till its Ambers birthday next weekend as have some great presents for her. Really enjoyed spending time with Angela -we haven't been too close in the past but recently have been building a new relationship with each other.Love you lots little sis!
Had a great girlie weekend in Spain -lots of sun, sea and sangria. The best day was when we went to the beach -a whole day on a lounger -bliss. No cooking -we ate out every night. Its definately something that we will do again!. There a couple of rather unflattering pictures of me in a swim suit -i'm not posting these here!!
Been a quiet time since we got back. Been feeling under the weather -very cold and shivery
Started my christmas shopping have got some presents so pleased about that. Been busy filling up my store cupboard: Made picallili, sour pickles, carrot chutney, tomato chutney, courgette chutney, pickled onions, pickled cabbage, blackberry jam, marrow jam, rhubarb jam, strawberry jam, plum and nectarine jam, apple and blackberry jam, 3 fruit marmalade and grapefuit and cranberry marmalade. Yummy! some will be presents for family, rest for us to eat.
We also made our christmas cake i read the recipe and Gordon and Christopher mixed!. A true family affair! xmas puddings next!!
Started a new project in the house. We are sorting out the dumping ground that is our study. We are clearing it out, getting rid of 2 out of 4 of the desks (if anyone wants some computer desks let me know!!). Then we are going to put in a sofa and a tv and make it our tv room.
The next project after that will be our lounge. I want to paint the fireplace wall purple but need to convince Gordon!!
Spent a wonderful day shopping with my sister Angela and my neice Amber. Can't wait till its Ambers birthday next weekend as have some great presents for her. Really enjoyed spending time with Angela -we haven't been too close in the past but recently have been building a new relationship with each other.Love you lots little sis!
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