Recently due to the fact that tire so easily and that some days suffer quite badly from pain. I have noticed a deterioration in my health since last September especially with regard to energy levels. By 8pm I am often to be found tucked up in bed as its were I am at my most comfortable. I also feel that this is a room that I will be spending more and more time over the next few years so it has become important to me to make it nice and be a place where people can visit me when I am unable to get out of bed..or even when I am just too tired and want company.
We don't have too much money so need to use what furniture I have and in time slowly replace them. ALso trying to cut down on clutter and just have the things that mean the most to me... Christophers stories, candles, my favourite books, my jewelry.
We went out today and bought the paint to get started hopefully tomorrow. I couldn't afford to replace my curtains as they are very expensive so have taken the colour schemes from them. They are cream red and olive. SO we have decided to paint one wall as a feature wall in 'overtly olive'. The rest of the walls will be daffodil white. Gordon bought me a wonderful candlelabra for the bedroom which is so gorgous.I am really looking forward to see it all done and create a 'true sanctuary' for me. I hope to post photos once its finished. Going to sign off now as I am falling asleep.
Saturday 28 February 2009
A new Job and a Party
Its been a busy week. I'm trying to spread the housework tasks across the week so I don't get too tired during the day.
I am excited that I have managed to get a job. My friend works as a dinner lady at the local infant school. She's just got a new job and asked me if I wanted to work the two days that she cannot do -Wednesdays and Fridays. Just one hour on the those days. This will be lovely and just enough. Unlike my previous attempt at doing this I will be contracted to do just those two days. It means i get to work with children again which is something i love. One day I will be working with a downs syndrome boy who I will need to communicate with in sign language which will be a challenge. The other day I will be working with Yr 1. I am so looking forward to it
Am having a fantastic weekend. Thursday I went to see Thriller Live with my friends at the Mayflower in Southampton. It was good especially when they sung the Michael Jackson songs that I know like Thriller, Billie Jean and Bad.
Last night we went to a fantastic party. My neighbour (and one of my best friends) had her 50th Birthday. She hired a hall and It was fantastic -a whole evening of great music, lots of drink and fun. Our group had the dance floor totally staked out for us. DJ was great and played all the great numbers from the 70's and 80's. We didn't want to go home. Judith is a great friend so I bought her a day out at windsor castle with a cream tea. She was thrilled and to my surprise has asked me to come with her for the day
Tonight we went out for dinner with my mum, dad, my sister and my niece. It was a really nice evening catching up as we had not seen each other for the past week. Really enjoyed the whole evening espcially seeing Amber and Christopher sharing a massive dessert.
I am excited that I have managed to get a job. My friend works as a dinner lady at the local infant school. She's just got a new job and asked me if I wanted to work the two days that she cannot do -Wednesdays and Fridays. Just one hour on the those days. This will be lovely and just enough. Unlike my previous attempt at doing this I will be contracted to do just those two days. It means i get to work with children again which is something i love. One day I will be working with a downs syndrome boy who I will need to communicate with in sign language which will be a challenge. The other day I will be working with Yr 1. I am so looking forward to it
Am having a fantastic weekend. Thursday I went to see Thriller Live with my friends at the Mayflower in Southampton. It was good especially when they sung the Michael Jackson songs that I know like Thriller, Billie Jean and Bad.
Last night we went to a fantastic party. My neighbour (and one of my best friends) had her 50th Birthday. She hired a hall and It was fantastic -a whole evening of great music, lots of drink and fun. Our group had the dance floor totally staked out for us. DJ was great and played all the great numbers from the 70's and 80's. We didn't want to go home. Judith is a great friend so I bought her a day out at windsor castle with a cream tea. She was thrilled and to my surprise has asked me to come with her for the day
Tonight we went out for dinner with my mum, dad, my sister and my niece. It was a really nice evening catching up as we had not seen each other for the past week. Really enjoyed the whole evening espcially seeing Amber and Christopher sharing a massive dessert.
Monday 23 February 2009
End of Half Term
Chris was off school for an inset day today. We have had a lovely time together over half term last week. We've been to the cinema (three times!), to Birdworld and also to a Farm Park with Friends. Been good to go out with friends as it means someone is there to look after Chris if I had to sit down and rest. Its been lovely to spend time with Christopher. Although only 8 he looks after me so well and takes such good care of me. I feel proud but sad about this as I feel I have made him grow up quicker than normally. He knows that I cannot do as much as I used to and that i need to rest at times but we find other things to do that don't involve standing too much.
Today I went to the hospice for some complementary therapy. Having reflexology does me so much good. I can totally relax and switch off whilst having the treatment. I did manage to fall asleep only for the fire alarm to wake me up. It was only a test but felt quite groggy after it as i had fallen asleep quite heavily. When I got back home i picked up Christopher from my neighbours and me, Chris, My neighbour and her little boy walked across the field to have lunch at our local pub. A lovely end to a lovely week.
I shall miss my little man when he goes back to school. He's always got a happy smile or a thought to share to keep my spirits up and remind me how lucky I am to be his mum.
Today I went to the hospice for some complementary therapy. Having reflexology does me so much good. I can totally relax and switch off whilst having the treatment. I did manage to fall asleep only for the fire alarm to wake me up. It was only a test but felt quite groggy after it as i had fallen asleep quite heavily. When I got back home i picked up Christopher from my neighbours and me, Chris, My neighbour and her little boy walked across the field to have lunch at our local pub. A lovely end to a lovely week.
I shall miss my little man when he goes back to school. He's always got a happy smile or a thought to share to keep my spirits up and remind me how lucky I am to be his mum.
Wednesday 18 February 2009
The Show is over
Again apologies for not posting much but all my time has and was taken up with our Show. BAOS presented Gilbert and Sullivans'The Gondoliers'' from 10-14th February at the Haymarket theatre. I thoroughly enjoy performing - its one of my great joys. I love to sing especially music that challenges me as a performer. Both myself and Gordon were in the chorus for this one -it's good to have him around as he can keep an eye on me. The leadup to the show was so hectic -as Vice Chair there were numerous jobs that had to be done so was pretty tired before the show even started.
I must admit that I found Show week to be more exhausting that I have ever found it. Saturday in particular with two shows was the worst -I could hardly stand up after the matinee as I was so tired -but the show must go on!. Its made me think about whether I can perform in a big show. Its a difficult decision and one i will find very hard. We have got several concerts coming up as well so looking forward to them. Deep down I know I don't want to stop performing -cancer has taken away so much of my life that I don't want to loose anything else. I am clinging really to the last few remnants of a life that now seems like a dream. I cannot believe that I crammed so much into a life -these days it takes all of my energy and strength to get up, take Chris to school and back and cook dinner.There are times when I cannot even do that.
Social services are due to come round this week to adapt the house to my needs -this is mainly putting rails in all the places that I have difficulty with -stairs, bathrooms etc. They have also put a rail by my bed which is a god send and given me a stool for cooking and a bath seat. A year ago I would have fought tooth and nail and not let anything like this into my house but now I am more accepting of it. I need help to get around now so need to accept all these things to a/ remain in my house and b/ still be ''normal'' mummy for Chris. Its so important to him to see me in a good light. I feel so sad that cancer has made him grow up faster than I would have liked and realise how important to him it is to see me looking ok. I try and hide any pain or tiredness from him as he worrys about me too much. When i was poorly through chemo he found it so hard. Unfortunately the emotional help from his school just was not there and its only now -through things he drops into conversations that we realise how much my being ill affected him.
Thank good ness half term was straight after the show. Its now Wednesday and I am still completely shattered.So far this week we have done breakfast and cinema with my sister and my neice and lunch and cinema with my friends Jenny and Judith and their children. Enjoyed both days. Today is a lazy day-we have spent the morning watching Christophers baby video which brought back so many memories. Not sure what the rest of the week will hold but am trying to rest as much as I can before school restarts. I have never felt so tired as I do this week -pain not too bad but I keep nodding off to sleep everytime that I sit down. Hope I get over it soon!
I must admit that I found Show week to be more exhausting that I have ever found it. Saturday in particular with two shows was the worst -I could hardly stand up after the matinee as I was so tired -but the show must go on!. Its made me think about whether I can perform in a big show. Its a difficult decision and one i will find very hard. We have got several concerts coming up as well so looking forward to them. Deep down I know I don't want to stop performing -cancer has taken away so much of my life that I don't want to loose anything else. I am clinging really to the last few remnants of a life that now seems like a dream. I cannot believe that I crammed so much into a life -these days it takes all of my energy and strength to get up, take Chris to school and back and cook dinner.There are times when I cannot even do that.
Social services are due to come round this week to adapt the house to my needs -this is mainly putting rails in all the places that I have difficulty with -stairs, bathrooms etc. They have also put a rail by my bed which is a god send and given me a stool for cooking and a bath seat. A year ago I would have fought tooth and nail and not let anything like this into my house but now I am more accepting of it. I need help to get around now so need to accept all these things to a/ remain in my house and b/ still be ''normal'' mummy for Chris. Its so important to him to see me in a good light. I feel so sad that cancer has made him grow up faster than I would have liked and realise how important to him it is to see me looking ok. I try and hide any pain or tiredness from him as he worrys about me too much. When i was poorly through chemo he found it so hard. Unfortunately the emotional help from his school just was not there and its only now -through things he drops into conversations that we realise how much my being ill affected him.
Thank good ness half term was straight after the show. Its now Wednesday and I am still completely shattered.So far this week we have done breakfast and cinema with my sister and my neice and lunch and cinema with my friends Jenny and Judith and their children. Enjoyed both days. Today is a lazy day-we have spent the morning watching Christophers baby video which brought back so many memories. Not sure what the rest of the week will hold but am trying to rest as much as I can before school restarts. I have never felt so tired as I do this week -pain not too bad but I keep nodding off to sleep everytime that I sit down. Hope I get over it soon!
Sunday 1 February 2009
Update
Sorry I have not posted for a while. Its been a very up and down time recently.
I am slowly coming to terms with the ''uncertainty'' of my scan results. I have spoken to the Hospice Dr and am trying to stay positive.
I met my new Macmillan nurse who is lovely. I was a bit nervous of going through my whole history with someone new but she put me at my ease and I think we are going to get on well. I think i went through a period of feeling very sorry for myself and am trying to move on with things
The occupational therapist came to see me at home. She was lovely and we basically reviewed the house together. I want to stay in our house as much as I can so we are looking at ways to adapt it to my needs. She has brough me a bath seat, cooking stool and a rail to help me in and out of bed.She is also going to arrange to have a seat put into my shower and rails on the stairs, by the front door and in both bathrooms. We are also looking at possibly getting a stair lift fitted.Everything will help.
I had devastating news last week. One of my close friends in the Operatic Society got rushed into hospital on the Tuesday with meningitis. Sadly she died only two days later. I was so upset -I had only spoken to her the day before so it was a huge shock. Carol was a wonderful person -warm, caring and always had a smile on her face. She was very supportive to me when I felt down and always had a joke or something funny to tell me which would always cheer me up. We worked very closely together on the executive committee and she was always willing to help out with anything that needed to be done. She always sat next to me at rehearsals and we would giggle our way through the evening. I shall miss her soo much. Both Gordon and myself went to her funeral last Friday and sung with the church choir. At times it was difficult to stop breaking down in tears but I tried really hard to sing for Carol. I am so sad she never got to perform in Gondoliers as she had a great love of Gilbert and Sullivan and was really looking forward to it. Carol - i will miss you so much but I know you will be smiling down on us xxx
Rehearsals for the show are going well -we have just one week till we opens. Its just a case of polishing bits and pieces, Learning the last bits of music and practising, practising, practising. We are all working very hard and hope that it will be a wonderful success.
I will try not to leave it too long before posting again!
I am slowly coming to terms with the ''uncertainty'' of my scan results. I have spoken to the Hospice Dr and am trying to stay positive.
I met my new Macmillan nurse who is lovely. I was a bit nervous of going through my whole history with someone new but she put me at my ease and I think we are going to get on well. I think i went through a period of feeling very sorry for myself and am trying to move on with things
The occupational therapist came to see me at home. She was lovely and we basically reviewed the house together. I want to stay in our house as much as I can so we are looking at ways to adapt it to my needs. She has brough me a bath seat, cooking stool and a rail to help me in and out of bed.She is also going to arrange to have a seat put into my shower and rails on the stairs, by the front door and in both bathrooms. We are also looking at possibly getting a stair lift fitted.Everything will help.
I had devastating news last week. One of my close friends in the Operatic Society got rushed into hospital on the Tuesday with meningitis. Sadly she died only two days later. I was so upset -I had only spoken to her the day before so it was a huge shock. Carol was a wonderful person -warm, caring and always had a smile on her face. She was very supportive to me when I felt down and always had a joke or something funny to tell me which would always cheer me up. We worked very closely together on the executive committee and she was always willing to help out with anything that needed to be done. She always sat next to me at rehearsals and we would giggle our way through the evening. I shall miss her soo much. Both Gordon and myself went to her funeral last Friday and sung with the church choir. At times it was difficult to stop breaking down in tears but I tried really hard to sing for Carol. I am so sad she never got to perform in Gondoliers as she had a great love of Gilbert and Sullivan and was really looking forward to it. Carol - i will miss you so much but I know you will be smiling down on us xxx
Rehearsals for the show are going well -we have just one week till we opens. Its just a case of polishing bits and pieces, Learning the last bits of music and practising, practising, practising. We are all working very hard and hope that it will be a wonderful success.
I will try not to leave it too long before posting again!
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