Time to go home

Just got back in from a wonderful weekend staying in San Francisco. Can't believe the amount of stuff we've managed to do!. We drove in on Saturday. First we went to Coit Tower which gave us fabulous views of the city. We then drove to the Presido to see Rodins Statue of the Thinker.
Then we drove into the city, going down Lombard Street (Crookedest street) and checked into our hotel which was on Fishermans Wharf so nice and central. For lunch we went to Boudins for Clam Chowder. I was really surprised and pleased that Christopher asked for chowder - and ate it all (he's definately my son!!). We then Rode on the cable car which is something I had always wanted to do. We walked back from Union square and had fish and chips and cocktails on Pier 39. We then went back to the hotel. I had intended to watch a film but only managed the beginning and the credits before falling asleep.
Up early this morning starting with a traditional american breakfast with pancakes and mimosas. We then went on a duck tour. This was a tour of the city by a car which converted into a boat to tour the bay. It was fantastic!! the best bit was when we launched into the water!.
We then went to the Buena Vista cafe which was where the first Irish coffee was made. I had a baileys coffee and Gordon had whiskey. We then went to Ghiradelli Square to see chocolate being made and had an icecream -yum yum!
We finished the day at the Exploratorium - a great place full of experiments which all the kids (and grown ups )loved
Back home -Gordon and Chris have gone to the cinema whilst I have finished our packing
Very sad to be going home -its been a wonderful three weeks. We have had lots of fun and are coming back well rested and relaxed. Watch out UK here we come!

Shopping - its what Americas best for!

So tired this morning - could hardly stand up without pain and feeling tired and dizzy. Yesterday was a wonderful day - Andie and Phil invited their friends over for us to meet. We did a traditional roast beef and yorkshire pudding meal - Americans don't know what Yorkshire puddings are!!! followed by summer pudding and crumble. All delicious. Lovely to meet all of Andies new friends who I know will know be mine and Gordons. Have swapped Facebook addresses so will keep in touch. I wasnt very well for most of the day with an upset tummy. I hadnt slept well the previous night and battled against diarrohea all day plus throwing up. But managed to keep a happy face on for all. Was shattered by the time I got to bed though
Spent most of this morning resting and then Andie and I went shopping. I got some beautiful things t shirts, blouses and a wonderful green party dress. ALso got Christopher a school bag and some clothes. Had to buy a new suitcase- am starting to worry about fitting it all in! Am totally exhausted this evening so going to bed early. I can't believe we have only a week left -its going to be a busy one!!

Yosemite

Back from a couple of wonderful days at Yosemite. We hired a cabin on the lake and have had a great time. Yosemite was such an awesome place to be. Its one of Californias National Parks. The combination of mountains and forests was amazing. Very proud of myself for coping as managed to hike to the waterfalls. Unfortunately they had dried up as it is summer but the kids enjoyed climbing up the rocks. Didn't see any bears but lots of birds and squirrels. Loads of deer as well around where we were staying
Today we spent most of the day on Pine Mountain Lake (where we stayed). Kids had a great time playing in the lake and on the beach. Back home now, very tired but very happy!!

Well rested and relaxed

We've been here almost a week now. Weather is beautiful -105 degress most days. Haven't done hardly anything at all. Lots of resting , lounging about, going in the hot tub, watching movies and i feel great. Cough practically gone. This week has been just what I needed -getting away from it all. Slowly starting to plan our time - we are going wine tasting today round the vineyards. Tomorrow its off to Sausalito and Muir woods to see some Giant Redwoods. Then we are going to stay in Yosemite for a couple of nights to see what its like.
I've managed to do some shopping -Andie and I went to Macys and I got outfits for me, gordon and Christopher for his sisters wedding. Felt very glamorous when I tried the whole thing on - its not what I would have chosen but its given me a huge boost in self esteem which I definately need. Just trying to decide whether to wear a hat or not. Been taken to have my hair done this week so may wait and see.
So having a lovely time - and feeling great!

Sunny California

Well here I am typing from Sunny California!
Flight was its usual endurance marathon. One of the stewardess spotted me in my lymphodema sleeve and started telling me about her cancer journey. Its interesting to compare treatments in different countries. Over here they seem very keen to do masectomies rather than Lumpectomies. They also tend to do chemo through hickman lines or porthcaths. She was very eager to show me her porth cath scar (in the middle of the plane!!!) and was confused when I didn't have one to show her back as my chemo was always through my veins.
Its lovely to be here with Andie and Phil and family. the weather is 105 degrees - so its taking a bit of time to adjust to it. We stayed up as long as we could last night to try and get into sync so by the time we went to bed we had been up for 25 hours
Think its going to take a couple of days to get my energy levels so lots of rest days planned
Off to see Mamma Mia tonight (Fourth time). Apparently the americans who go to see it don't sing?? well they are going to get a shock tonight!
Hope i don't fall asleep in the middle!
Its good to be here

I'm not scared of tomorrow anymore

Had a lovely day at my sisters house. Gordon, my mum, Dad, brother in law Gareth, and my lovely grandad are building a playhouse for my niece. I stayed in and ''supervised" as I didn't want to risk getting a cold. Managed to finish holiday shopping -shoes for Christopher (groan) and stocked up on pet food for whilst we are away.

Still on a massive high from yesterday. It was so nice to talk with a member of the medical profession who was positive about my chance of survival. For once there was no negative talk -i.e you have secondary cancer and there is no cure. I feel that I have been given a really precious gift, something that I lost on May 31st last year. And do you know what that is?

It's HOPE!.

For the first time in over a year I am not scared of what tomorrow may bring.

I'm a Film Star / Bone scan results!

my macmillan nurse had arranged for me to go to the local hospice today and meet the Pallative care Doctor. She thought it would be good for me to meet with her and have a 'getting to know you ' chat. When i turned up she explained that today they were making a film about the hospice and would I like to be filmed. Well no stopping me there! I was interviewed both by the Dr and the film guy on what I got out of the Hospice /how cancer has affected my life / and How I cope.
Was great fun to do -if it helps dispell the myth that hospices are just for old or the dying I am more than happy to do that. Camera man said he wished he could film me all day (blush!) cos I had no problems talking. So i'm a Film star!
Once he left I had a really good, long chat with the Doctor. Shes increased my pain medication and given me something else for my cough.. We talked about prognosis and she's really positive about my chances. Its such a relief to hear that from a Doctor. Not doom and gloom for a change!
She had managed to get my bone scan result and it was fine! No further spread so whatever is causing the rib pain -it sure isnt cancer!. The Doctor thinks that I have strained my ribs by coughing so much. Combined with rads trauma is the most likely explanation. I am sooo pleased and thrilled. Broke down in tears and gave her a big hug.
We talked about exercise, raising my energy levels and trying to loose weight. We've agreed to meet reguarly which is great news for me. So nice to find a dr who is so easy to chat to. My onc doesnt ever want to be bothered by emotions or tears she just deals in facts. I am pleased that I have someone else in the medical profession to talk to.
Very happy - will have a few glasses of wine tonight to celebrate. Can now go on holiday amd not worry. As long as I find time for a rest once a day I know that I am going to be fine

I'm not well!

Cough has been getting worse and worse over this past week. When I am having a coughing fit I literally can't breathe which then makes me panic. Vicious circle really. Today I was coughing so much it was making me sick so spent most of the afternoon in the loo. Went back to the Dr's as now desperate for some help. Couldn't see my usual GP which started me panicking but it was ok. He was really nice. I explained that I was flying in a weeks time and didn't feel well enough to. He's given me a course of antibiotics (size of Bullets!), a nasal spray and an inhaler. So blasting this dratted cough on three counts - i just hope it works. I need my energy and strength back to pack and get everything sorted
Think I might be going through the menopause which isn't helping. Lots of hot flushes which are driving me mad. Quite sad to be going through it at 36 but there you go just something else I have got to deal with. Its a very emotional thing for me and another thing to be bitter about. Cancer has taken away my choice of having more children (we would have liked more).
Its a week till we fly - just hope i get better in time!

Saturday

Still haven't made my mind up about bone scan. Cough seems to be getting worse again so I am really fed up with it. I think I need to go back to the Doctor and talk to him. Rib pain no better either
Have had a lovely day though. Went to town this morning with Gordon and Christopher and managed to get some new clothes and shoes for holiday which was good. Glad to get it all done so i can take my time packing this week. We then went and had lunch in a lovely pub with Gordons dad and his step mother. Wonderful food - i had a steak which was fantastic followed by sticky toffee pudding - yum!. Gordon and Christopher both went for the bacon cheeseburger.
We then went to 'Balloons over Basingstoke' which was great. We watched a parachute display and then Christopher had a great time on the rides at the fairground -he kept wanting to go on all the fast ones!
Had to cut visit short as I got really tired and needed to come home and rest. Have done a bit of gardening and will be spending rest of the evening with my feet up watching the box.

Ups and Downs

Been a real week of ups and downs
Some of the ups:
Sorting things out with my sister. I have to be honest that me and my sister Angela have never been really close and things had got worse since my diagnose. We had both recognised though that things can't go on as they have been so have really made an effort to talk honestly with each other and sort things out. I am really happy about this as think we will really move on and start to enjoy being in each others company more. A lot of tears have been shed between us but i think we've made a real start now the ''air'' has been cleared and several misunderstandings have been explained.
Spending time with Christopher -we've done lots this week -been to the zoo, cinema, swimming, park, played mini golf and paddling in the paddling pool. Its been great. We are both a bit tired today so taking it easy
I went to see Mamma Mia with my mum and sister. Even better seeing it a second time round. I sang lots and lots. Can't wait to see it with Andie in California. We had a great family meal before the cinema at Nandos which was lovely.Also managed to get some clothes shopping with mum and angela -its funny when we all go for the same top in Red Herring!
I also managed a girls night with Angela and my friend Maggie which was nice. Haven't done that for a while. We drank lots of rose wine and caught up with whats been happening.
Downs:
My lovely Macmillan nurse is leaving which is really upsetting for me. Chris has been a huge support to me. I am hoping her replacement is as wonderful. I hope i will be able to stay in touch with Chris
I finally got my appointment through for my Bone scan. Its going to be next wednesday 6th at 9am. I am facing a huge dilemma here as to whether i want to push to get the results before I go on Holiday. I feel I want to know as otherwise I will spend three weeks worrying but what if its bad news? Then we will have three weeks of misery. I have got till Tuesday to decide when Chris comes back.
My health has been up and down this week. The heat is not helping. I had a really bad turn at the zoo on wednesday and we had to cut our visit short. I came home and went to bed for two hours. Still got the rib pain and the cough. Nothing seems to help. May ring for an appointment on Monday. Pain hasnt been too bad but I am really tired. Hopefully will get a lay in at the weekend -even Chris slept in till 10.30 today!
I feel I am making progress and feeling more on top of things. I am so grateful to all my family and friends who i know are supporting me 100%. I can't always name all of you but you are appreciated - so muc!!!.
P.S thanks Saffy for the gel saddle for my bike. When I opened the parcel I laughed and laughed. Maybe I'll be able to ride my bike more than once a week now without it being too painful to sit down afterwards!!