All ready for Christmas

Well we are all ready for Christmas. All the cupboards are stuffed to the brim and the house is gleaming. Spent all day cleaning and we have braved the supermarkets and bought all that we need.
Yesterday we went carol singing with the Operatic society. We sung at a local nursing home, the local hospitals chapel and on the cancer ward at the hospital. I got really choked up when we went on to the ward as I haven't been there since I had chemotherpay. Lots of memories were flooding through my head and I did find it difficult to sing. Dinner at mums afterwards though cheered me up!
Had a bit of a row with Gordon this afternoon. He was working and I got a bit stressed out about getting the house cleaned. He said he wanted me to ask him for help. After a lot of tears from me I managed to make him understand that I find it hard to ask for help. I feel scared that the more that I let various jobs be done by others, the further along the road I am to always needing help. He understands though and I love him for it.
I don't know why but I seem convinced that this will be my last christmas. Maybe thats why I am getting so emotionally involved and building the whole event up to something so important to me. I so want it to go well and everyone have a wonderful day.I want the house to be perfect and for everyone to love their presents. I am cooking for 9 of us and we have said NO to turkey this year. Instead we are getting some lovely chickens from my local butchers and a piece of ham. I can't wait till the day itself comes. Its been so cold here recently I wonder if we will have snow?!!