The Show is over

Again apologies for not posting much but all my time has and was taken up with our Show. BAOS presented Gilbert and Sullivans'The Gondoliers'' from 10-14th February at the Haymarket theatre. I thoroughly enjoy performing - its one of my great joys. I love to sing especially music that challenges me as a performer. Both myself and Gordon were in the chorus for this one -it's good to have him around as he can keep an eye on me. The leadup to the show was so hectic -as Vice Chair there were numerous jobs that had to be done so was pretty tired before the show even started.
I must admit that I found Show week to be more exhausting that I have ever found it. Saturday in particular with two shows was the worst -I could hardly stand up after the matinee as I was so tired -but the show must go on!. Its made me think about whether I can perform in a big show. Its a difficult decision and one i will find very hard. We have got several concerts coming up as well so looking forward to them. Deep down I know I don't want to stop performing -cancer has taken away so much of my life that I don't want to loose anything else. I am clinging really to the last few remnants of a life that now seems like a dream. I cannot believe that I crammed so much into a life -these days it takes all of my energy and strength to get up, take Chris to school and back and cook dinner.There are times when I cannot even do that.
Social services are due to come round this week to adapt the house to my needs -this is mainly putting rails in all the places that I have difficulty with -stairs, bathrooms etc. They have also put a rail by my bed which is a god send and given me a stool for cooking and a bath seat. A year ago I would have fought tooth and nail and not let anything like this into my house but now I am more accepting of it. I need help to get around now so need to accept all these things to a/ remain in my house and b/ still be ''normal'' mummy for Chris. Its so important to him to see me in a good light. I feel so sad that cancer has made him grow up faster than I would have liked and realise how important to him it is to see me looking ok. I try and hide any pain or tiredness from him as he worrys about me too much. When i was poorly through chemo he found it so hard. Unfortunately the emotional help from his school just was not there and its only now -through things he drops into conversations that we realise how much my being ill affected him.
Thank good ness half term was straight after the show. Its now Wednesday and I am still completely shattered.So far this week we have done breakfast and cinema with my sister and my neice and lunch and cinema with my friends Jenny and Judith and their children. Enjoyed both days. Today is a lazy day-we have spent the morning watching Christophers baby video which brought back so many memories. Not sure what the rest of the week will hold but am trying to rest as much as I can before school restarts. I have never felt so tired as I do this week -pain not too bad but I keep nodding off to sleep everytime that I sit down. Hope I get over it soon!