I'm an Auntie again!

My lovely sister Angela gave birth to a boy yesterday at 3.41 am. His name is Toby James and he weighed 9lb 9oz. He is totally gorgeous and I have had loads of cuddles
Congratulations and lots of love to Angela, Gareth, Amber (who is a lovely big sister) and Toby from the three Suttons xxxxxxxxxxx

Rock bottom again....

I haven't posted for a while
I've also not been on any of the cancer websites that I normally haunt
One reason is that..well I have had lots of things going on. I have been singing in concerts to raise money for local charities based on a 1940's theme.Christopher turned 9 and we had a wonderful day out at the local hawk conservancy. All the children loved it and had a great time. Unfortunately I over did it and spent most of the following week in bed. I hate so much not being able to do the things I want to do. I also hate it so much that when I DO DO the things that I want to do I end up spending over a week to recover. Well it all built up and I hit rock bottom...lots of tears. With the help of my gp, nurse, family I am slowly building myself up again but it seems harder and harder everytime. Sometimes I think ..whats the point of trying as everytime it gets harder. I have a scan coming up which is preying on my mind and I am finally going to see a counseller. I feel so angry and bitter inside which I hate. At times it is sooo hard to fight these feelings. I don't want to give up on life but wish it could be easier...more importantly I cant understand...why me?..why did I have to get cancer.
On that note I will finish with a picture of Christopher on his birthday treat...it was a wonderful day and he loved every minute of it. I have also posted a picture of some of the operatic society in our 1940's costumes that we are wearing for our concerts. Our operatic society feels that it is very important to give something back to the local community so we do this by performing in concerts to raise money for local charities. This year has a 1940's theme and for the first time I am singing two solos plus a duet with Gordon. Last night was our first one and it was a huge success. Looking forward to the next one on July 4th!

my garden

I thought that you might like to see pictures of our veg plot. Its doing very well..things are begining to 'sprout' up. Gordon has been re discovering his creative side. He has made a second compost heap, did the fencing all around the veg plot, built the a frames and then last weekend the two of us worked together to make a den for Chris.Chris loves his den and all we need is some nice weather for him to play in it...Oh well at least the rain makes the plants grow!!. Chris has been doing well recently so fingers crossed. For the last two weeks he has been like the happy boy we used to have as our son. Before cancer

Run for fun

Christopher and Gordon did the Basingstoke Mens Run for Fun on Wednesday. It was to raise money for Cancer Research. I am so proud of both my guys...they ran 3 miles in 33 minutes. When they crossed the start line I couldn't stop crying with emotion. I was so proud to see them finish together hand in hand.
Here are a few pictures of my two guys after the race....so proud of you both and love you very very much

Garden etc

Well the garden is looking well...Lots of green shoots peeping up which is very exciting!!. I have to keep taking my book out as when I am weeding I am not sure if I am pulling up a weed or a veg...its all new to me!
Its May Bank holiday so a 3 day weekend. Yesterday we went to Mum and Dads for a BBQ. My sister and family were there as was my grand dad so it was a lovely family day.Amber and Chris get so excited when they are playing together
Today the three of us walked to the shops and then me and Gordon have been working in the garden again. Chris is out playing somewhere with a group of friends...he pops back when he gets hungry!!. Its nice that its so safe around here that he can do that.
Its been a sad time this past week. A friend of mine from the forums died this week. Kate was a wonderful friend...i was following her blog which is linked to mine. Kate defied the odds over and over again but in the end lost her stuggle against cancer.
We had a lot in common...she had a son the same age as Chris so we often compared notes. Kate I miss your advice, humour and support so much. I will be thinking of you and your family on Thursday. Hoping to get to the funeral but if not I will be remembering.
Chris is doing ok...the beginnning of the week was awful though. In the end we sat him down and talked about how horrible he was being to us..mostly me.We have also restricted his priviledges to certain stuff Since then he hasn't been perfect BUT a lot nicer to be around...He is trying very hard as are we. He wants to try and take up a martial art which I think will be good for him so am looking into that. Anything that can absorb his excess energy and help him work off his frustrations and anger would be a good thing

Planting a garden

I am a bit sad as its the end of the Easter Holidays. I shall miss Chris when he goes back to school. This Easter holidays have gone so quickly.
Today we planted up our vegetable garden and it looks wonderful. We planted the following:
Potatoes (Rooster)
Mixed Salad
Swede
Spinach Beet
Turnip
little gem lettuce
Onions (normal and spring)
Spinach
Carrots
Tom thumb lettuce
Garlic
Strawberries
Pea
Rhubarb
Broad Beans
Purple sprouting broccolli
Runner beans
Tomatoes
Butternut squash
Courgettes
Pumpkin

I have also got pots of herbs (rosemary /chives / parsley / coriander / thyme / mint growing wonderfully well. Still in the consevatory I have peppers, chillis and two lemon trees
Some where grown from seed in our conservatory and some we have sown from seed. We edged all the beds with straw which should mulch down eventually
Once again I am so greatful to Gordon -he did most of the planting as I couldn't do much bending. He also did the majority of the heavy digging
I am very proud of our veg plot and am hoping we get a bumper harvest!!

Update -Isle of Wight and more...

I am so sorry that I haven't posted recently.What with dealing with not having our lovely little chloe around and being away on holiday, I have not had the heart to post much
We got Chloes ashes back from the crematorium and have buried her in the garden with a rhododendrum on top called 'black magic'. Chloe was black and always magic so it seemed appropriate.
We have had wonderful easter holidays. We went to the Isle of Wight with my mum, dad, sister, brother in law and neice. We rented a wonderful house in Bembridge which is near Ryde. The house was great..totally brand new. Chris enjoyed sharing a bedroom with Amber and I could hear lots of giggles when they were supposed to be asleep. So here is a potted history of what we did
Good Friday: Arrived at the house..unpacked
Easter Saturday..went food shopping and then spent the rest of the day on Bembridge beach. Finished the day by going to a local restaurant.
Easter Sunday... Started with an Easter egg hunt in the garden and then Chris cooked scrambled egg. We then spent the day at Amazon world looking at lots of animals. Came back and had a lovely roast dinner with meat from the Bembridge Butcher
Monday We went to Sandown for the day. First we went into the dinosaur museum which Christopher loved. We then spent time on Sandown beach. We also went on the pier and walked around the town. Dinner was fish and chips back in Bembridge
Tuesday. Today we went to Black gang Chine. Fantastic theme park with something for everyone. Wonderful day out
wednesday We went swimming in Ryde. After that we spent the day on Ryde beach. We had a cream tea. For dinner we came back to Bembridge and went to the local chinese restaurant. Everything was freshly cooked..delicious
Thursday - last day. We had breakfast in a local cafe and then walked to Bembridge beach. Once packing was finished we went to Shanklin. We wandered round the shops and then we went to an italian restaurant and had a wonderful meal.
Friday - we had breakfast out in Bembridge and then took the ferry home
The weather was really good all week so we spent most of the time on the beach which the children loved.
Now back to a moutain of laundry!! I am hoping also to get the garden planted with all my vegetable plants which have thrived whilst i was away (Thanks Keith for watering)
It seems that it took me being diagnosed with cancer to get us to start having these family holidays together..this is our third one now. I have enjoyed this week more than I can say and hope that there will be many more to come in the future
xxxx